A Testimony Builder

This weekend I have experienced such a huge range of emotions in such a short period of time! I hesitated writing about it, but in the end it has strengthened my testimony, and therefore I have to record it!
Friday evening started like any other for us; the kiddos staying home with Grandma and Ben and I grabbing some dinner to start off our date night. Usually, we indulge ourselves at a nice restaurant (keep in mind when i say "nice" that means someone with a server), but for some reason neither one of us wanted to do that. We both felt it would be best to have a quick dinner, and opted for In and Out! It was a good thing. As Ben and I were waiting for our food, I received a text from Erin asking me if I heard about the accident. As soon as I got that text I had this awful feeling that it wasn't going to be good. Erin texted me back letting me know that a group of teenage boys in our ward got in a 4 wheeling accident, and that she had heard that one of them may had died. As soon as I heard that, and told Ben, we packed up our food and headed to the hospital. Ben is good friends with the Dad, and he felt like he should go. I was very hesitant at first. Mainly because I didn't want to intrude on such a "raw" moment. Secondly, that literally has always been one of my biggest fears, losing a child. Every night in my prayers I always thank Heavenly Father for my kids, and beg him to never take them from me. So, with that said, I didn't think I could handle it.
When we got to the hospital, one of the nurses walked us to the room. I kind of fell behind, as I felt so inadequate, not knowing how it would be when we got there. When we got there, their son was lying in the table, and had already passed on. Family, friends, the Bishop and Stake President were gathered, in a circle, around the room. The most intense thing for me was to see his mother sitting at his bedside holding his hand, stroking his head, and taking in the last few hours that she would have with him. When I saw that, I instantly had to leave, as I imagined that being Boston on the table, and me at his bedside. After stepping about for a minute, to compose myself, I stepped back in and noticed something I hadn't the first time. Despite the circumstances, there was calming effect in the room that I couldn't describe. Even walking out of the room, which was basically a curtain, I could feel that calming effect leave, and then come again as I stepped back in. There is no doubt in my mind that the Holy Ghost was very strong in that room, acting as his roll as "the comforter". After being there for about 20 minutes, the Bishop gave a prayer. The prayer was definitely inspired, and I left feeling a little better.
After we left, we headed to the Church bookstore to look for a book on grieving, for this boys sister who is in our YW. Nothing seemed good enough, but I finally bought one that was recommended to me. Ben and I tried to get some shopping done for Havasupai, but I wasn't in the mood to do that, and it just didn't' seem right to be doing anything, when I knew what our friends were going through. Ben had to be home early, so he could go help administer blessings to the family member's, so we cut our night short, which was fine with me, because all I wanted to do was to go home and hug my children. I didn't get much sleep that night; my heart was aching so much for them and the pain they had to be going through. I kept thinking about how I would never be able to handle Boston being taken away from us, and just thinking about that was too painful.
Saturday I was able to distract myself with the various things we had planned. We took the kids to see the new Narnia movie, which was a little long, but still had some great Gospel undertones. We then had Steve's birthday party, which I felt like I was a zombie at. I really wasn't in the partying mood. We had dinner at Ben's parent's house, and then took the party over to the resort. The kids had a fun time on the slide, and Sophia behaved sooooo well. She just chilled out in our arms or on our laps. I was grateful for that tender mercy, because I didn't have it in me to deal with much else. We came home and I finished preparing my lesson that I never ended up giving.
I know, so far, this all seem so depressing, but today's church meeting has made such a tragic event turn into such a strengthening, loving, testimony building day. The meeting started off like usual, with the song and sacrament. But then the Bishop dismissed all of the speakers and changed it to a testimony meeting. The testimonies were so wonderful, mainly testifying of the Savior and his great atoning sacrifice. Much was said on how he not only suffered for our sins, but how he also suffered our pains and sorrows, so that he could empathize and know what we went through so he could be there for us during those times. Many people also spoke on the plan of salvation, and how lucky we are to have the sealing powers in the church, that bind families not only on this earth but throughout the eternities. This isn't anything I didn't know, or haven't given lessons on several times over, but today it hit me really strong, how lucky I really am to have this knowledge, and how much more sorrow and pain people must feel when they lose someone not knowing this plan. I also came to the realization that when people pass on, and we are upset, it is because the natural man in us are sad, because we will miss them, while on the spiritual end of things they are far better off than if they were here. Again, nothing I didn't know, but it just sank in better.
After sacrament meeting, the youth all met together while the Bishop and President Wagner spoke. ( The reason I never gave my lesson). Such inspired words and council were given, leaving us with more peace and understanding. I felt as though God was speaking to us himself, the Spirit was so strong. How amazing it is that our leaders could listen to the quite promptings of the spirit, and act on them, making a day that started as one of mourning and sadness end up much differently. I was also amazed of understanding our youth had of the gospel. What a chosen generation they are. They are faithful, strong and steadfast! I always feel so honored to be a leader to them, because they teach me so much.
I am so grateful for the gospel and it's truths and knowledge that I have of why I am here in this world and where I am going! What comfort this gives me in my life. I can't imagine my life without it. I know today has strengthened my testimony! When I came home today, I also felt this peace I had never felt before as a mother. A peace of knowing that I didn't need to worry so much about whether my kids will be taken from me or not, because I just needed to trust that God loves me and the Savior would be there helping me through it, and my kids would be happier and better off! And that I needed to live in the moment, enjoying every minute of them. That each minute, each day I have with them is a gift from God, and I need to look it as such. I know that I'm not going to be living a fairy tale life with my kids from here on out, but I think it will help me let go of the little things that don't matter.
All I have to know is that God loves me, he has his plans, and they are always better than what I could plan myself. Complete faith in all things, can give peace to a worrying heart and mind. And knowing that because he loved us so much that he sent his Son, who willingly died for us, so we can live again, brings comfort to know that he always does whats best for us, whether we know it or not!